Some Thoughts on Grief

I recently read this quote on a low vibe/energy day I was having and it just hit different.

“You have to show up as her, before you become her.

You have to show up as her, on the days you don’t feel like her.”

Simple enough, sure. But sort of profound when you’re moving through some pretty difficult stuff, like anguish and/or grief.

I’ve got to be honest with you: since my brother passed away just about four months ago, some days, it doesn’t feel so difficult to show up as HER.⠀

Other days, it feels excruciating to even have to try. I guess this is what grieving is. ⠀

You know it’s funny because it’s the little things that get me tripped up lately. Like, for example, I’ve been dating again and the question “ How many siblings do you have?” seems to leave me breathless. ⠀

Obviously this question in the past had no impact on me. I would without hesitation reply I have an older sister and a younger brother.⠀

Now it feels like a low blow to the gut. It hurts to say “one”, but is it untrue to say “two”? ⠀

I’m still getting the gist of things. My revised response has been, “I’m one of three.” ⠀

On the days I feel more like HER these questions don’t feel like a gut punch. But some days they do, and that’s okay, because this is what grieving is I guess. But I’m still showing up as HER everyday. With compassion and love.

I wanted to share this with you as a reminder because I know most of you are also moving through your own stuff, fighting your silent battles on the daily.

I see you. I want to remind you that you are not alone. You are not your emotions or thoughts. You might feel sad, depressed, or anxious, but it isn’t who you ARE.

In fact, I encourage you to feel whatever is coming up for you. Make room for ALL your emotions. Feel them. Because we’ve got to feel it in order to heal it. Western culture is afraid of sadness and grief, I’ve noticed. For some reason we shun and shame grief in particular. Run the opposite direction even. But by avoiding our emotions we fail to realize that the channels of grief and the channels of joy are one.

Every feeling is legitimate, every need is legitimate. You don’t have to justify your feelings or your needs. Make space in your heart for them all, feel them and meet them with love, compassion and clarity. If you aren’t sure where to start, check out my journaling prompts and positive affirmations.

At the end of the day, just remember, I’ve got your back and am always happy to discuss different coping strategies with you to move through whatever battle you are fighting. Most importantly, know you are not alone.