Women Over 35 Are Not Irrelevant!
They’re Dangerous to the Egos of the Kind of Men Who Say Things Like That.
I have to be honest and say that this narrative used to haunt me some. Especially as I approached and surpassed 35 without a spouse, without children and without the things I was taught to dream of for myself (on a strict timeline). And I don’t have to look far to find a man making these sorts of comments: online, on podcast, in person. It’s the kind of “throw away” comment that we tend to let stand for fear of seeming like a nag or bitter.
But now at 37 and with the wisdom of my experience to firmly plant my feet in: I have a different theory to pose.
The older women get the more likely they are to have:
Strong values and opinions rooted in experience and not upbringing.
Raised the bar on what behaviors they find acceptable in all kinds of relationships.
Established themselves in careers they may center over a partner at times or at very least not be willing to set aside for someone else’s aspirations, as women statistically do in hetero relationship dynamics.
High expectations for things like listening, respecting clearly stated boundaries and level of care shown.
In short, the longer we take care of and establish ourselves, the less likely we are to buy into the idea that our value is in our ability to attract and keep a mate.
Which means that we aren’t willing to take the crumbs anymore, to pine over people who can’t keep up with us or behave outside of our integrity in the hopes that someone will pick us.
We’re harder to “deal with” because we have standards. Which asks the kind of men who make these statements to show their own hand– to be the type of man that can stand by a woman who brings her whole self to the table and not an infantilized version we’re taught to show to be an easy pick.
Are these broad statements? For sure. Everything is not always anecdotally true. And also– the next time you catch a man on a podcast waxing on about the disposability of women over 35 (or whatever the claim), run it through this test: “Would a woman you respect over that age ever give the time of day to this man?” If the answer is no (and I bet it is) the call, sir, is coming from inside the house.
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